If you’re a woman—especially if you’re both a working boss and a mom—I bet you can relate to Beyoncé’s hit “Run the World (Girls),” a proud shout-out to female strength and empowerment. Women continuously prove that they go above and beyond the call of duty by adapting to and juggling numerous roles and duties at any given time. Many of us moms run a household, make a living, raise a family, actively contribute to society, and still manage to stay true to ourselves. Women literally bring life into the world, multitask like masters, get things done, and look good doing it. If the strength to do all that isn’t a real-life superpower, then what is?
That said, even superheroes need allies, pep talks and tools. As the 40-year-old president of a reputable CPA firm and the mother to a 10-year-old, 7-year-old and 2-month-old, it took me a while to figure out my personal, delicate balance—and it remains an evolving work in progress. I imagine it’s the same for all my fellow working moms, and so here are five tips to help every boss mom balance business and family:
“One of the most important things for any leader is to never let anyone else define who you are. And you define who you are. I never think of myself as being a woman CEO of a company. I think of myself as a steward of a great institution.” – Ginni Rometty, Executive Chairman, IBM
- Be Authentic and Acknowledge Your Worth.
Society’s stigmas and double standards have been holding women back for centuries, as we have always been and continue to be held to unrealistic expectations and expected to excel in all areas no matter what we try. More than that, though, the same society is criticizing—and sabotaging—women who do attempt to excel in both their careers and support their families. Such an unsupportive—and hypocritical—culture forces many women to pick between identifying as successful moms or successful professionals, but we shouldn’t have to choose in the first place. Whether you want to be a full-time career woman, or a full-time mom, or yes, even if you want to juggle both, your choice is valid. As the song goes, we’re “strong enough to bear the children and then get back to [business].” You should pursue whichever route you desire. In doing so, not only are you living your truth and pursuing your potential, but you also serve as an invaluable role model and help revamp the status quo.
- Manage Your Own Expectations.
And if you’re one of those who do want to have it all? You absolutely can—just not all at once. You absolutely can be the unstoppable professional, the rockstar wife, the devoted mom, the unfailing friend, the unrelenting fitness fanatic, and so forth. But the reality is, life will constantly present you with choices, and you will need to pick your priorities every day. There will be days, weeks or years when you will be able to commit fully to some of these things some of the time but not to all of them all the time. Remember, perfection is an unrealistic, unnecessary and unhealthy standard. You’re a well-rounded, evolving, complex human being, so embrace each aspect of yourself, but focus on what matters most at a given point in time. Your standards are allowed to be high but keep your expectations manageable.
- Embrace Your Village.
You’ve heard the term “it takes a village to raise a child,” yes? Having a “village” can really help a working mom to thrive, as the validation and support of others goes a long way in enabling you to pursue your dreams. To juggle your role as a leader and team member, both in the office and at home, lean on a strong leadership team at work and a reliable familial (or friend) team on the home front. Of course, it’s critical to first choose or cultivate an environment where your superiors, partners, or colleagues have your back in the business, especially when you need to devote extra family time (e.g., when you’re pregnant or raising a baby). The same is true at home—enlist people, such as your spouse, another family member, or friend, to help lift the burden there so you can focus time and energy on your business as it needs you.
- Learn to Say No.
Just as you can’t be all the things all the time, you can’t say yes to everything, either. True balance is made possible by saying no to things that aren’t serving your priorities and goals. Focus on what really matters, and find ways to ditch, delegate, or delay everything else. Recognize your value and establish boundaries by cutting out superfluous demands, toxic relationships and unhealthy habits. It might be hard at first—especially if you’re used to biting off more than you can chew or feel guilty saying “no”—but sacrificing your sanity to attain “success” isn’t sustainable, and the success you think you attain through such damaging methods often feels largely hollow, anyway.
“You can and should set your own limits and clearly articulate them. This takes courage, but it is also liberating and empowering, and often earns you new respect.” – Rosalind Brewer, CEO, Walgreens Boots Alliance
- Give Yourself Grace.
I’m currently a little over 8 weeks postpartum. I just birthed another human being—a miraculous event—and since then, I’ve accepted that it’s OK to have moments when I forget things, need more hours in a day, or don’t have it all together. Already, I can no longer fathom my life without my three incredible kids, but I also can’t picture myself stepping down from my position or leaving my beloved business—thanks to a supportive sponsor and a fantastic team, I don’t have to even consider it. But not all business environments are this mom-friendly, and that’s a problem. Yes, workplace culture does need to finally recognize that motherhood isn’t something to be accommodated or tolerated; rather, it should be encouraged and celebrated, since we wouldn’t even have a next generation or workforce if it weren’t for women. But as the effort continues to shift the greater narrative, we all need to allow ourselves grace, right now and whenever we need it. In those moments when you do falter, look to other positive and successful role models who prove that all of our dreams are attainable—and let that reinvigorate you to join their number.
“Make your life work for you—you can have a fulfilling career and be an amazing mother.” – Michele Buck, CEO, The Hershey Company
Few things exemplify women’s resilience, strength, and commitment more than when we lead a business while raising a family. It’s not easy going and we’re not perfect, but we are amazing. You are amazing. And whether you’re struggling or thriving right now, consider how far you’ve already come, despite all the obstacles—gendered or otherwise. As we each continue to rise to forge lives of our choices, remember your worth, stay focused on your dreams and goals, give yourself grace and the space to make mistakes, and celebrate your wins.